As if there aren’t enough technological gizmos controlling our lives at the moment (I last counted 17 remote control devices lying around in our apartment), we are being badgered daily on television to add yet another fancy thingummy that will obviate the need for us to simply get up and slip in a CD into a player or switch on some other outdated music system that we happen to still possess, and which works perfectly. Only it involves a modicum of effort to move our limbs to make it happen. All that is passé now. Introducing the all new Alexa, a snazzy marvel of a cutely designed speaker (an inadequate word) with all kinds of goodies embedded in it. As if you didn’t already know, what Alexa does is obey your orders. ‘Your wish is my command,’ the Alexa genie in the box seems to say, amongst many other things it says, if encouraged. A real chatterbox, our Alexa.
Once the deceptively unpretentious gadget is plugged in, and presumably some form of wi-fi connection is required to actually make if function, you are all set. What you are now the proud possessor of is a cylindrical, futuristic looking item to which you can actually talk, and be talked back to, with a superior air. ‘Alexa, what is the exact time in Guadalajara?’ ‘Alexa, who won the women’s doubles title at Wimbledon in 1961?’ ‘Alexa, play Deep Purple’s Smoke on the water. Very loud.’ ‘Alexa, how much money do I have left in my Savings Bank account?’ ‘Alexa, how many seats will BJP win in the General Elections?’
I am not sure if Alexa will be forthcoming on the last two questions, but it can answer or oblige with pretty much everything else, including complex calculations. I know a number of people who have made a beeline for the online portals or the brick and mortar stores and got themselves an Alexa which, according to the commercials, is also known as Echo. I have no clue why. As a brand communications professional of many decades standing, I was always taught that ‘less is more’. So with brand names. Alexa is just fine by itself. Add an Echo to it, and confusion prevails. Of course, they have good marketing logic for the brand and sub-brand co-existing, but I don’t think anyone other than the product managers, their bosses and advertising agencies are privy to it.
Technical wizardry or not, let me come straight out and proclaim that I am not an Alexa fan, and I have little doubt that I shall not be investing four and half grand for the basic model, much less 15k for the advanced version. I am yet to ascertain what the advanced Alexa actually does to warrant such a steep price hike.
Read your temperature, blood pressure and pulse rate, perhaps? All you have to do is place your palm on top of Alexa, and you will get a basic, top line medical read out, which can be automatically printed remotely from your printer. A blood test and ECG may be in the offing. I jest, but only just.
Right now though, most people I know who have invested in Alexa, generally sit around in their drawing rooms or bedrooms, and aimlessly wallow in its novelty. Nobody actually listens to anything for any length of time. Here’s a typical scenario I am witness to every weekend at my aunt's house with Alexa being the primary focus of attention.
Once we are all gathered cozily, our attention is drawn to the presence of Alexa amongst us. ‘Alexa, say hello to everyone.’ Alexa responds with a shy, but ringing ‘Hello.’ It should be made clear at this point that Alexa is a she, and therefore the answering voice is always a girl’s, age uncertain but probably early 20’s, the voice unaccented, which is a blessing. Why most of our English commercials affect a fake British or American accent is more than I can fathom. After the preliminary greetings, we are each invited to request Alexa to play something for us. Western popular and Hindi film songs having universal appeal, most of the requests tend to fall under these heads. ‘Alexa, play The Beatles’ A hard day's night, and just as John Lennon belts out the opening lines, a cousin will interrupt him midstream, ‘Alexa, I am fed up of The Beatles, play Elton John’s Candle in the wind.’ Elton has barely tickled the ivories to start up the song when my cousin’s wife will scream, ‘Alexa, how about Roop tera mastana from Aradhana?’ Being the only Carnatic music aficionado in the group, I throw a googly at Alexa fully confident she will be beaten all ends up. ‘Alexa, give us Kaana vendaamo by Sanjay Subrahmanyan.’ Without batting an eyelid, Alexa delivers as requested.
My respect for Alexa takes an upward turn. But before Sanjay gets into his stride, my aunt’s hip grandson pipes in, ‘Alexa, have a heart. No Carnatic, purleez.
Give us today’s weather prediction.’ On cue, she goes on and on about max, min and mean temperatures, cirrus cloud formations, possibility of thundershowers and flights being diverted, IPL game in danger of being abandoned, be sure to take your raincoats and umbrellas, roads which are flooded…at which point, all of us collectively shout, ‘Alexa, please shut up.’ Alexa goes stone cold. Not a sound. I then intervene, ‘Alexa, sorry about the rudeness, but you were carrying on endlessly. Will you now play us Simon & G’s The Sounds of Silence? Pretty please?’ She takes that literally. Absolute silence again. Clearly, Alexa is sulking.
We try all kinds of sweet talk to make her respond but Alexa has downed tools in protest. An emotional, thin-skinned gadget! Until I discover that the family pet golden retriever Zoey, has ripped out the power plug. That was the last I heard of Alexa. I gave the admirable Zoey two dog biscuits at tea time.
(The author is a brand consultant with an interest in music, cricket, humour and satire)
