The paternity leave debate sparked off by Maneka Gandhi’s statement that for most men it would be a ‘holiday’ raises complex questions. The commentary that Gandhi’s statement has attracted has been largely negative statements. However the new-age man in Bengaluru holds a different opinion. “Yes, we do change diapers!”
Are Indian men still steeped in their traditional roles or are the winds of change blowing across homes in the country with the emergence of the nuclear family? Union minister, Maneka Gandhi, who has stirred quite a hornet's nest by her caustic remark that any paternity leave is likely to turn into a “holiday” for men, clearly doesn't believe much has changed in the way they perceive their roles.
But at least some men in the city would beg to differ. "I change diapers 24x7," laughs Nitin Gupta, the proud father of a one-year-old, insisting that the percentage of those keen on helping their wives with a baby has increased over the years. "I agree that many men don't get involved all that much in child rearing but the numbers of those who want to is growing ," says the young father, who believes the change has nothing to do with the men’s primary home environment, which may have been traditional.
Read | Guest column: Parenthood more joyous if both parents share responsibilities
“My father was not around to feed or sing me to sleep or clean me when I was a baby. It was always my mother. But I am feeding my son, changing diapers and also taking my wife to the doctor for follow-ups. It is refreshing that more men are now equally keen and sensitive to their baby's needs," he smiles.
Supratim Mitra, 35, who works in an MNC in the city, too unabashedly admits that his life revolves around his daughter once he returns from work. "Once home I am always looking out for what she needs and am very particular about her appointments with the doctor," he says. His wife, Uttara is full of appreciation. "I am very lucky that he is around whenever I need him and despite our crazy schedules we somehow manage our time to take care of the baby," she confirms happily.
Chaitanya K has a taxing profession as an engineer, but he too is quite at home changing his baby daughter’s diapers should the need arise. "I was distraught when I couldn’t meet my daughter for 11 days because of some astrological issues. I was really anxious and was happy when that period ended and I could see her. Now, from changing diapers to feeding her I do everything when her mother is busy," he discloses.
So strongly does he believe that a number of men are now as involved in their children as their wives that men's rights activist, Kumar Jahgirdar takes strong objection to any statement disparaging the need for paternity leave. "A father's love for his newborn cannot be discounted and is as much as the mother's. Hence, equal maternity and paternity leave is important," he argues.
Providing further indication that men could be becoming more baby sensitive, Dr Leela Bhagawan, Consultant Obstetrician and Gynecologist, Apollo Cradle, Bengaluru recounts that fathers-to-be are today constantly worried about whether they will be able to take care of the health of the baby and get busy baby-proofing the house. “They also want to know about handling the baby the right way, and are concerned about their wife's health," she reveals, painting a picture of an emerging new-age man, who is still not all that in evidence in the country.
As for Nitin he believes that paternity leave is a must. "We need at least a week to 10 days of paternity leave to be there for the baby and take care of our wives. For most of us it not a holiday," he sums up indignantly.
Papa care around the world
- Forty years ago, Sweden became the first country in the world to introduce paid parental leave, meaning men as well as women could take time off to look after a baby.
- In the UK, new fathers are entitled to up to £139.58 a week for two weeks leave, although they can take longer unpaid leave.
- Australia has introduced an 18-week paid parental leave scheme, which is publicly funded and provides the National Minimum Wage rather than a percentage of the primary caregiver's salary. It is not available to families where the primary caregiver has an annual salary above $150,000 per annum.
- In America, the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) requires employers to provide upto 12 weeks of unpaid leave to workers with a new child, including adopted and foster children.
- Fathers in Beijing will be entitled to 15 days of paternity leave under a new
- regulation. Till now new fathers in China got three to 10 days paternity leave depending on where they lived.
Fathers’ involvement, a great boost to women
Babies form powerful and personal ties with their caretakers, say health experts and psychologists, basing their conclusions mainly on studies of the relationship between a newborn and its mother. But more recent studies have thrown light on how important a baby's relationship with the father is as well. In fact, these studies find little difference between the child's attachment to the father or mother.
Becoming a father is anyway a great feeling, but for the better development of the child both parents need to be involved. Today when both parents are working, the father's involvement is a big plus for the woman too. His involvement renews the family bonding and has a positive effect on the infant's mind
— Dr Garima Jain senior consultant, Apollo Cradle
"The bonding that takes place between the father and child is very important for the balanced make-up of a young person. The infant is anyway in contact with the mother 24x 7, but if the father takes responsibility on a daily basis it can only lead to better balanced development of the child and his or her all round sense of security," believes Dr Purushotta, Sah, obstetrician and gynaecologist at icliniq, adding, "It is very important for the father to be completely informed about the pregnancy and the child's development. To make this possible he should accompany his wife on her doctor visits, and also attend childbirth classes with her."
Agreeing, Dr Garima Jain, senior consultant, Apollo Cradle, notes, "Becoming a father is anyway a great feeling, but for the better development of the child both parents need to be involved. Today when both parents are working, the father's involvement is a big plus for the woman too. His involvement renews the family bonding and has a positive effect on the infant's mind."
