Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. This dictum is the basis of all relationships — both professional and personal. Living in harmony with people is always difficult. Some find it easier to deal with animals or machines, since they are to a large extent predictable. There are two types of people – those who “have” difficulties and those who “are” difficult! Once a man asked the hotel receptionist, “Do you have a room where I can “put up” with my wife?” Many couples only “put up” with each other. Some are “living together”, some can’t “live together”, and some cannot live “with” or “without” each other!
So, what should be our attitude while dealing with people? First, we should respect, not suspect. Some people start their relationship with suspicion. They look upon everything that the other person does with doubt. Relations become difficult and strained if one is put to test all the time and also has to prove oneself every single time. One who is always suspicious destroys himself (samshayatma vinashyati). Alternatively, when we trust others, we invoke the goodness in them. In case they prove untrustworthy, we learn to be more cautious. The experience should not make us mistrust all, but it should make us wiser instead.
We should be more alert to avoid being cheated or fooled. It is often seen that we look up to people who have qualities we value. We can always find something to value in others if we look deep enough. Respect and trust form a firm foundation for all relationships. Secondly, while taking tender loving care of others we must take a strict care of ourselves as well. But, often we behave in exactly the opposite manner. We are tender towards our own faults and harsh in judging others. More often than not, we justify our mistakes by saying, “To err is human, to forgive is divine”. We consider our lapses and misdeeds minor and easily forgive ourselves. Because of this justifying, self-indulgent and self-forgiving attitude, we never change or improve.
We should not be indulgent towards our negative traits, but be firm in exercising self-control and following right values. Conversely, we should be tender, large-hearted and kind towards the imperfections of others. Thirdly, and most importantly, love rules, mistrust fails. In a close-knit family there are unwritten rules like “each takes care of the other when sick, supporting each other financially and emotionally or helping each other in household chores”. A husband told his wife, “Let us eat out today.” The wife argued, “You think I am tired of cooking?” The husband replied, “No, but I am tired of washing the dishes!” Whenever there are strong bonds of trust, loving care and love; whenever we identify with others, there will be peace and harmony in our relationships.
