Social Historians and other scholars frequently disagree about the meaning of ‘Patriarchy’. Some use it very broadly to mean social systems in which men have more power and access to resources than women. But there are many more meanings extracted because with ‘Patriarchy’ comes position, hierarchy, power, control and command. Having been born in what appeared to the outside world to be a liberal Christian family I don’t remember it being overtly talked of, but as I write this piece, I hear myself and feel the conscious and unconscious strokes that were often thrown to us as women, which sent the message of who was in control. My father was a scientist with a PhD from a foreign university, and my mother a 3rd grader. My father was the “patriarch” without open acknowledgement. We were five siblings, of whom four were girls, who believed that his high levels of education gave him that power to control us and lead not only the family but also the community we lived in. Since my mother had not the required education, being one of six poorly educated girls born to her parents, she was powerless.
I grew up with many confused thoughts and beliefs on patriarchy, but who does one question and who can clarify? My father preached equality and as his daughter I could never fault him for treating the girls differently, but the strokes were so subtle that I always felt equality is like a blur, sometimes there and sometimes not. Where do we begin? The society at large that supports the whole idea of patriarchy or your small world of friends, relatives and work colleagues. I have felt and rebelled against the notion that I am less powerful than my male counterparts and proved so as well. I often have had to struggle much harder to prove I am as good as if not better than the men in the similar positions. I have heard cynical remarks, when a male colleague did not get appreciated or a contract of work, that maybe I used other more seductive charms to succeed. If a women is molested the first response is that ‘maybe she is unstable’, ‘maybe she was inappropriately dressed’, ‘maybe she likes the attention’.
Much of the feelings towards the reality of the power given to males gets embedded and validated by experiences. For example, I went to a bank for a small loan, and was told I could only get it if my husband or father stood guarantee, even if I was a well earning professional woman. How deep-rooted is patriarchy? I believe it is in the psychological domain, and actions and behaviour reinforce the belief at all times. Simone de Beauvoir (an existential philosopher and historian) writes: “History has shown us that men have always kept in their hands all concrete powers: since the earlier days of patriarchate they have thought best to keep woman in a state of dependence.” Village heads are almost always men. Christian priests have precedence over nuns. How are there such few women CEOs? Women experience patriarchy at many levels. For example, if a woman is parking a car in a narrow slot, a male driver comes and asks if she needs assistance. You overtake a male driver and he has to compete and overtake you in the next minute, and display an irritation.
Covertly the customs and practices of religious belief also promote the whole concept of patriarchy. Women are happy being called Goddesses and being given prime place at religious functions. Thinkers and social reformers are working hard to find ways to address some core approaches to balance the whole power play that happens with patriarchy. Indian women today are more cognizant of the stereotype they do not want to follow. I do feel that for more assertive women professionals like myself, speaking up in the moment and claiming your space can make a difference in the here and now. But I also know that the larger system dampens and suffocates the woman’s dreams and desires.
Her aspirations are suppressed in a patriarchal set up. Till date she is identified and recognised by her relationships as someone’s daughter, wife or mother. For women from lesser-privileged backgrounds life is hard. Not only are they suppressed, beaten by drunken dominating patriarchal men, but are also bullied and left to do the work that no man in the home would like to do (carry heavy buckets of water, wash clothes at 5 am, cook food for the whole family and work all day). When will it change? Only when women stand up to what they feel is unfair, and when men recognise how important it is to respect and value the women around them. We have to be at it, and someday our children and grandchildren will wake up to a more equal and a happy world.
(Indu Rao is a behavioral science practitioner and renowned Gallup Strength coach. She has spent many years practicing behavioural change work with individuals and organisations.)
