When a celebrity becomes an unwitting third wheel in a real-life romantic partnership, the lines between fact and imagination blur dangerously to create ‘parasocial bonds’ and there can be no winner
When Sonam Bajwa, leading lady of Punjabi cinema, recently revealed that a woman had called off her engagement because her partner was “obsessed” with her (Sonam), it didn’t really sound strange. It was just another example in the list of parasocial attachments, where fans turn celebrities into yardsticks for real-life relationships and always come up short.
Perfect man
For instance, after Arjun Reddy, some viewers began holding up Vijay Deverakonda as a benchmark of the ‘perfect man’ and expected actual partners to meet those standards. Similarly, members of the hugely popular Korean band BTS are sometimes idealised to the point where fans are reluctant to date anyone who doesn’t match their perceived traits. Taylor Swift, Kriti Sanon, Disha Patani and Sydney Sweeney have all been targets of physical fixation over and above their talents as actors. Some fans of Shreya Goshal don’t just listen to the singer, they soul-scroll, treating every lyric and life update of hers as a coded message written exclusively for them.
Obsessive attachments
Children from dysfunctional homes could be particularly prone to develop obsessive forms of admiration in relationships as adults. “These parasocial bonds often provide comfort from stress,” explains relationship coach Anika Khara. “Instagram intensifies this effect through sexy images that simulate intimacy and make influencers feel personally accessible. This constant exposure fosters what is called ‘comparison fatigue,’ where real-life partners start to seem inadequate next to a polished digital ideal.”
Life coach Sangeeta Sharma says, “One of my clients approached me with concerns about her marriage. She shared that she often finds herself daydreaming about her husband behaving like romantic, emotionally expressive heroes like Shah Rukh Khan. She had initially felt drawn to her husband because he resembled that idealised image. However, after marriage, she began to feel disappointed, as his real-life personality did not match the cinematic expectations she had internalised. She now perceives him as emotionally reserved, predictable and lacking in romance.”
Affection surrogates
Shows with uninhibited intimacy like Game of Thrones have facilitated a situation where fandom crosses the line into the ‘intense-personal’ zone, defined by a compulsive pull toward a celebrity’s life. For many, these actors become templates for their own sexual desires. When one partner craves more intimacy than the other, ‘affection substitutes’ like digital crushes can act as a pressure valve. But there’s a tipping point. When these fantasies are used as an escape hatch, they start being a barrier. Even porn often slides in as an ‘affection surrogate.’
Unmatchable standards
Admiration of an idol can become psychologically problematic when it moves beyond inspiration and turns into emotional reliance. P. Adhithy Devi, Consultant Psychologist KIMS Hospitals, Secunderabad, describes this from a clinical standpoint— “Usually, infidelity means mutual involvement. When someone repeatedly channels sexual attention toward a celebrity instead of their partner, the ambiguity lies in the fact that nothing physical happens, yet the emotional exclusivity in the relationship is still quietly eroded. From a cognitive-behavioural perspective, repeated exposure to idealised media figures can shape distorted beliefs, such as “my partner isn’t attractive enough” or “real relationships should feel like what I see online.” Over time, these thoughts can fuel dissatisfaction, criticism, or emotional withdrawal!”
Fighting a shadow
A resident of Hyderabad who requested anonymity had a disturbing experience to share as a victim of such skewed idealisation.
“I entered an arranged marriage setup with hope. My partner started displaying an unsettling fixation on actresses. It started chipping away at my confidence. I found myself trying to style my hair, layering on makeup, in an effort to make sure he would never see me as ‘ugly.’ I even took off my glasses, fully aware I wouldn’t be able to see properly. But the situation escalated into something far more disturbing. He expressed a desire to involve another woman in our intimacy, clearly influenced by the women he constantly consumed on social media. When I firmly refused, it created an emotional distance between us. It didn’t stop there. His fantasies grew more extreme, bringing up his ex in the midst of being intimate with each other. I also discovered he was subscribed to accounts that featured semi-nude content, which reinforced my fears. I found myself questioning whether I should continue with the marriage. The fear of future infidelity became overwhelming. I wasn’t even allowed to express hurt because any reaction from me would anger him. That, more than anything, revealed a pattern in his mindset that I couldn’t ignore.”
When a real-life partner has to compete with a fantasy one, they can never win. Of course, there’s no ‘affair’ in the conventional sense of the term. But there’s still a third presence in the relationship. And that’s as damaging as an actual extra-marital attachment and even harder to contend with.
