Rated: PG - Sweden

If complex ratings for films weren’t enough, now Sweden has a new plan to rate movies: based on sexism. And, as per this, no Bollywood films of 2013 are expected to pass the rating. That’s ridiculous! Bollywood films aren’t sexist: we created an entire genre for women: item songs. Come on, the hot ladies dancing to tantalise us. Isn’t that what women want? To exist solely for the purpose of titillating us shallow men? So, what if our “empowerment” is only restricted to models? So, maybe Konkona will never be as popular as Katrina — that’s her fault for not being a blessed foreign model.

My sarcastic ramble aside: this rating goes much deeper. Movies have one basis to pass the test: there has to be one scene where two women have a conversation that does not involve men. That’s so stupid. You’re basically saying that the most sexist movie on earth was 'Sex & The City!' All they ever discussed on that film was boys and when they weren’t available, toys.

And, they based this rating on a cartoonist Alison Bechdel’s theory. You based a rating system on a cartoon? What’s next? Films rated based on Jim Davis’ Garfield — if no one in the film eats Lasagna — the film is Cat-tist. Or, have a rating based on Chacha Chaudhary — if you don’t have anyone whose mind is faster than a computer — you hate older people, you Age-ist.

The theory is stupid. Men talk about women, women talk about men — that’s not sexist, there’s a word for it: normal! No wonder Sweden is struggling to increase their population: they are turning off the opposite sex with boring conversation. In all their films they’re busy talking about existentialism, death and sadness: and, there’s nothing sexy about that! Unless, you’re Bengali.

Women empowerment is great but, maybe we should have Indira Gandhi’s POV for this rating. If your movie doesn’t have a strong female character who at least once brings men stronger than her to their knees: you can only release in Zimbabwe. Or, even simpler: if it has Akshay Kumar or Salman Khan — it’s sexist. Pretty simple.

Send your sexist comments to Sorabh on Twitter, @hankypanty