Vanity unfair

In the animal kingdom, the male of the species is often the more flamboyant. Look at the lion's mane. Or the peacock's feathers in full bloom. Even the rooster has enough sass and strut to tower over his chicken following. And so it should logically follow that we men should be seen as the more preen-worthy.

I didn't say prettier, or more attractive, we all know to whom that accolade belongs. I am just saying that we should be allowed more vanity because it appears to be the law of nature.

Call it compensation if you may, or just unfair, it is how it appears. But sadly women don't quite see things so.

Your lot constantly rants about how we men are always complaining about just how long you take to get ready. Let's just say that for every man who is ever late for a social appointment, it's you who brings the fashionable to fashionably late. And honestly, we men can't tell any different from one eye shadow shade to the next. The world, to men, is 16 colours, if not almost monochrome on certain days.

The result is that we end up sacrificing our rightful preening time because the woman in our respective lives hogs it all. How is a man supposed to mull over his tie options and cuff link sensibilities if he is only bequeathed a measly 5 minutes in front of the mirror? 

Hot showers are hot if there is any hot water left. Else it's quick romp through a sharp sleet of ice-cold water.

Ladies, the only reason we mind your overflowing wardrobe is because it only leads to more indecisiveness. Already, you are far from the goalpost when it comes to focusing on knowing what you want.

But this column is anything but about unfair blame attribution. For example, it is incorrect to believe that men like a small wardrobe. If anything, the multi-billion dollar clothing and cosmetic industry is now betting more on men than women to ride them into their next levels of financial fiefdom.

Let's face it, the human body has two forms, one was built for beauty, the other was built for comfort. We males are a human incarnation of a comfort cushion. That makes us highly insecure especially when you consider that each of us is left the arduous task of wooing some pretty lass who sees us for the inept beings we are. Consequently, we need more to assure us that life is not so too unfair, even if we all know that it really is.

You, dear ladies can slip into anything and make it look good. You can flaunt a smile, an eye, a curve, anything, whereas we men need care with what we choose to hide ourselves with. And don't throw the 'brains' argument; we men already conceded that to you.

Long story short, it is completely justified if a man complains about you taking long to dress up. You don't need them. We on the other hand will always need more than we ever possess. Truce?

The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine.