Take charge of your life

I’m a 17-year-old guy. My sister got kicked out of her apartment and is coming to live with me along with her boyfriend. They need a double bed so I was told that I have to give up my room for as long as they will be staying with me. I like to be neat and tidy and knowing them I know my room will be a dump in no time. Am I right to be upset or am I just selfish?

As children, you learn to share your belongings with a sibling that, however, is impossible to maintain as adults with separate families and relationships. Just as in other relationships, establishing healthy boundaries and personal space are essential for a mutual and respectful relationship.

Having weak personal boundaries means allowing your sister to take advantage of you. Remember you are also contributing to the situation by not being firm and communicating to her that such behaviour is not acceptable to you. Make your self-respect and personal well-being a priority.  So set aside guilt or sympathy when someone is crossing your boundaries and tell your sister and her boyfriend that they can be with you during their transit while looking for another apartment.

I couldn’t believe my luck when this gorgeous 34-year-old, good-looking and well-educated woman told me that she loves me. I am an average looking 58-year-old man. We met on a dating site and after a two-month courtship we got married. It’s been three months now but things aren’t very good, we have never had sex and even when I try to kiss her she pulls away. She says she misses her family and worries about them and wants them to come live in our house. Mine is a two-bedroom house and everyone can’t fit. How can I reach a compromise with her?

It is essential for a couple to have compatibility in the areas of values, meaning for marriage and approach to day-to-day life, sexual dimension and attitude to life. It appears you two have compromised on these dimensions. Are you sure she genuinely loves you or has married you for wrong reasons? Is your marriage based on convenience and physical attraction or respect?

While it is important to have extended family, they are secondary in a mutually loving and respecting relationship. And, a healthy marriage requires the balancing of togetherness and space in relationships. When your wife is getting uncomfortable in togetherness, you need to choose whether you want to continue this relationship or not.