Couples say no to big fat weddings

Najma and Jerald had known each other in college, but they didn’t think about a life together till years later, when the alliance was brought about by the families. Both belonged to Catholic families, so everyone expected a church wedding. But not the couple, as they preferred a register marriage. Yet, to keep their families happy, they tried to go through a church wedding. Najma, who is doing her Masters in Canada, couldn’t be in town for the pre-marital course. The church here wouldn’t hear of a Canada equivalent. That and other attitudes from the church made them choose what their hearts desired — a quiet register marriage, away from all the fuss and formalities.

“My parents never gave me a picture of a big fat wedding, there was no mention of a million dollar party for their daughter’s marriage. I grew up wanting a simple wedding and Jerald felt the same way,” says Najma, who will soon be going back to Canada. “People in my neighborhood still look at us like criminals,” says Jerald.

Once upon a time, a register marriage was a last resort, something that lovers had to opt for because of families opposing their wedding. Now it has become a preference among many young couples, who agree to a ceremony only to please the family, and sometimes, an overly interfering society.
“Marriage is nothing but a licence to roam about together,” says Aparnna, who got married to Vyas in a register office at Sastha­mangalam, Thiruvanan­thapuram. “Both of us are atheists and we did not want a temple wedding. It was our mutual decision to go for a register marriage.” To satisfy their relatives, the doctor couple had to go through a ceremony later, but Aparnna strongly feels that the concept of arranged marriage has to go. “It is just so obsolete, having to choose a life partner after a few minutes of seeing each other (pennu kaanal).”

Ittoop and Deepthi is another couple waiting to tie the knot next month at a register office in Ernakulam. A Hindu-Christian marriage, convincing the families had not been easy for these lovers, who began a relationship in the Nangelil Ayurveda Medical College, in Kothaman­galam. “Finally, when they were convinced, there was the question of what style of wedding to go for,” said Ittoop. “Both Deepthi and I desired a register marriage and we settled on that, so everyone would be happy. We wanted to send out a message that you can think outside the box, live on your wishes and still be happy. That everyone in every religion is still a human.”