From exes to friends

Mumbai: Going from a relationship to being single puts one through quite a lot of emotional turmoil and a troublesome ex just adds to that misery. However, these days the trend seems to be “live and let live” and couples do not harbour much animosity towards each other after they break up.

Take for example Anand Pradhan, Congress leader Digvijaya Singh’s girlfriend Amrita Rai’s soon-to-be-divorced husband. When reports about their relationship broke out, instead of playing the victim and maligning Amrita, he told the media, “I wish her (Amrita) all the best for her future.”

While most might feel that it’s tough being friends with an ex, marriage counsellor Dr Sucharita N., says, “After a divorce/break-up, for people to reach an amicable space, it is important that they let go of their egos and emotional attachment. Of course, it is a different case when one is talking about an abusive relationship.”

In B’town, Salman Khan is known to be friendly with his exes, whether it’s Katrina Kaif or Sangeeta Bijlani. Among Hollywood’s famous couples, Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom, continue to fascinate people with the rapport that they share post their split, they speak to each other daily and share a cordial relationship. They are rivaled by Gwyneth Paltrow and ex-husband Chris Martin, who are seen lunching together regularly.

The advantages that come with being cordial with an ex are plenty, as clinical psychologist G. Shiva Kumar says, “For people who have children, being cordial post-divorce makes it easier for the kids as they aren’t torn between two parents. And for those without kids, it becomes easier to understand each other.”

Examples of happy exes are plenty, there is Kalki Koechlin who defended fellow actress Huma Qureshi when she was blamed for Kalki’s separation with husband Anurag Kashyap. Closer home, actor Prakash Raj’s ex-wife Lalitha Kumari bailed him out of a court case filed by a financier for recovery of dues amounting to Rs 80 lakh.

To overcome the bitterness after a break-up people need to discuss what went wrong, without blaming each other. The key is to forgive and let go of the past says clinical psychologist G Shiva Kumar.

How to keep both  worlds happy:

Keeping in touch with an ex can worry your current partner. Here are a few tips that can help you.

Always be honest and open with your current partner. Win their trust and let them believe in you and know you won’t hurt them.

Explain to your partner that keeping in touch with your ex is important. It could be because you share custody of your children, financial matters etc.

Ask your partner to set a few rules too. This way, they don’t have to feel insecure.

While explaining to your partner about the situation, be very neutral. Anger, irritation or happiness in your tone could raise doubts.