Be careful of extra marital affairs! sooner or later the truth will surface

Mumbai: Some time ago a friend nonchalantly claimed “boys will be boys” when referring to her husband’s indiscretions. Her husband, happy to oblige, had throughout the marriage been through parallel relationships while she reared the kids, did the laundry and housekeeping.

I definitely take issue with this seemingly harmless arrangement. You might ask that if it works for them, why should I be having a problem? Don’t get me wrong, I’m no militant feminist, but I definitely feel strongly about integrity and loyalty.

Let me go to the very beginning. Since my schooldays, we were taught that men are biologically polygamous and women are monogamous. This I don’t believe applies to the present age of instant gratification and equal needs and desires for both sexes. And yet I find that women suppress their sexual needs more often than men.

They allow this behaviour of being ridden roughshod over, especially in some of the more conservative families where the men are happily satiating themselves with other younger and obliging nymphets. But the women just ignore it all in their eagerness to keep the peace and not rock the boat.

Especially in affluent business families, where women are financially dependent on their men as well as in India’s film industry where indulging in intimate scenes leads to the Bollywood stars succumbing to each other’s charms.

So does this mean the spouse sitting at home should take the same course as the spouse who seeks greener pastures and translate the marriage into an ‘open’ one? I’d say it’s a destructive course where two wrongs don’t make a right, why bother to live a farce?

If you are done with each other move on, but if you truly love each other and it’s only physical excitement you’re looking for, then be innovative within the marriage with each other or seek counselling. Don’t put your kids and family through the humiliation of living through your fractured marriage gone wrong.

I also wonder how one can be true to anyone in the world if one cannot keep a commitment made under oath to one’s spouse? Sooner or later your secret arrangements of keeping your spouse occupied and your lovers happy will be exposed because the truth has a funny way of always surfacing like it did for my friend.

Let me continue with my friend’s story. Some years down the line the truth unravelled, the man’s indiscretions came to light and his wife was no longer so flippant. All hell broke loose and matters came to a head ending up in hurt, bitterness, libel and divorce. At great expense to her husband, my friend sued him for a divorce where the court convicted him for adultery and infidelity. It is after all a punishable offence in the eyes of the law to be married and being polygamous.

My point is quite simple really. If you thrive on multiple partners and enjoy a rumbunctious sex life, don’t ever believe that you can have your cake and eat it too. Some human emotions and rules are universal and love, marriage and kids naturally lead to a sense of ownership and possessiveness. Not the obsessive variety but the reasonable desire to have that sense of comfort in the trust and integrity of your loved one.

If at this time you realise that the one person you’ve put your life’s lot with until ‘death do you apart’ is cheating on you, your entire foundation of trust for all humankind is shaken. So if you love your spouse or partner, either exercise some self-control or break free and do your own thing.

Don’t engage a glorified maid and leave her with the yoke of home and responsibility while you go around playing the field. Be man enough to take a calculated course of either learning to say no to yourself or breaking free from the relationship and then having multiple partners.