Shobhaa’s Take: Padmas up for sale

A pushy, young politician once asked me in all seriousness whether I would like a Padma Shri. Of course, he misread the disbelief written all over my face for some other emotion. Perhaps, he expected me to faint or keel over with joy. I did one better and asked straight up if he could “arrange” it for me. My voice and expression were deadpan. He shrugged, “Well, if you are really keen, it can be easily arranged. I can get someone from my party to recommend your name.” I feigned deep gratitude and told him I would let him know. Just before he moved away, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked an important question: “How much?” He responded, “We’ll discuss that later. First, let me get my person to include you on the list.” There it ended. Or, so I thought.

Two years later, I ran into him again. This time, there was a fresh proposition. “Do you want a Rajya Sabha seat? I can organise it.” I acted hurt and pained before asking in a small voice, “But what happened to the promised Padma Shri?” “Oh that… well, I had a problem with the contact person. He had promised it to too many people that year.” That’s too bad, I said. What guarantee you won’t let me down again? No, no, no. This setting is pucca. There is one seat coming up. We are negotiating with two other people — I won’t lie. Negotiating what, I persisted. The self-appointed agent looked miffed. “The terms! What else? A certain level of contribution is expected. Nobody does this sort of thing for free. The quota is pretty small in this category. We have to be very careful.”

There you have it. No matter what anybody says, the Padmas are up for sale year after year. So are seats in the Rajya Sabha. The arithmetic is pretty simple. A nominee “invests” in these honours knowing the returns are substantial, and the work, nil. All you have to do is show up for the ceremony in Rashtrapati Bhavan to receive your Padma from the President of India. And show up in Parliament for the swearing-in ceremony. A Padma is not as valuable in terms of what recipients can do with the honour.

But a Rajya Sabha seat instantly elevates the individual to another league and comes with incredible perks. Since the Padma awardees and Trophy MPs are in the media glare right now, it’s worth asking a few pertinent questions. Both employ touts. Not every Padma is for sale. And not every Rajya Sabha MP buys the seat. But the very fact that this practice exists at all, should trouble us all.

But it clearly doesn’t! It is only when controversies break out that we start to think about what really goes on behind the scenes. There is so much money at stake, it’s no wonder there are any number of ambitious people (top journos included), brazen enough to solicit favours, lobby aggressively, and stake their claim. Delhi, no stranger to hustlers of every hue, is happy to oblige, if the price is right.

Questions are being asked about the non-participation of MPs like actress Rekha and Bharat Ratna Sachin Tendulkar. Forget it! The thing to acknowledge is that these prestigious posts are unambiguously political in nature. Rahul G is a fan of Sachin T. According to those in the know, it was Rahul baba who hastily got orders passed to bag India’s highest civilian award for his friend Sachin.

Perhaps, Rahul genuinely believed this tactical move would win him more support from young India. We know what happened! Poor Rahul is still recovering from the deadly “dhulayi” suffered by the Congress Party in the last general election. The Congress “scored” 44 — it’s lowest tally ever. But Sachin scored a double century. Why are people expecting Sachin to be more pro-active in Parliament? Why is Rekha supposed to attend Parliament regularly and open her mouth? Why should Saif Ali Khan return the Padma Shri? Why?

We need to understand celebrity culture in India before we pass judgment. Especially sarkari culture vis-à-vis celebrities. If the sarkar in power has some use for you and you have done your huzoori, you get a Padma. Or a seat. Period. It is a quid pro quo. And there are strings attached. The recommendation process is not transparent. And it will be interesting to find out on whose recommendation our celebs make the cut. I have heard stories! Musicians recommending sons. Actresses recommending boyfriends. Husbands and wives recommending each other!

Back scratching comes easily to those who crave such honours. And once granted, capitalise on them. Critics who are asking why Sachin Tendulkar and Rekha are rarely seen in Parliament are refusing to look at the bigger picture. Celebs are there for prestige value and to fill a quota. If they choose to, they can definitely enhance proceedings during our dreary parliamentary debates by contributing opinion or pushing for reforms in their own fields. Instead, they take full advantage of all the privileges and give back nothing. The Padma Awards have been devalued and degraded for years.

Nobody remembers who won, when or for what. It’s time to take that big broom and make sweeping changes. It certainly looks like the Modi government is planning to do just that. What a pity! There goes my Padma! Just when I thought I had saved up enough to buy myself a national recognition. But what will happen to all those self-appointed touts peddling Padmas and seats? I guess, they’ll find themselves a new revenue model — the appointment of state governors, may be? I would have happily taken Mizoram… but that’s gone. I’ll let my friendly, neighbourhood agent know I should be informed the next time Modi sacks a governor.

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