X-factor: What lies beneath

The recently released film Gone Girl, which is about a psychopath getting the better of her partner, has got several couples looking inwards into their relationship wondering to what extent a person can go to have their way. Experts say, that under the cloak of normalcy, there’s a whole range of troubling behaviours that could indicate whether or not your partner is a psychopath. Read on to find out...

Control and social isolation

All the time that you’re in the relationship, the psychopathic partner will systematically try to isolate you from your friends and family. He/she will rarely encourage your forming too many close bonds with his/her family and social circle. They want to be the most important person to you, so anyone who could be a threat to that— even a close friend, a sibling or a parent, is perceived as competition. Even as they try to isolate you socially, he/she will also try to exert as much control over you as possible. This includes accessing your communications with other people, trying to control your interactions and engagements, even your lifestyle. It may be common enough to be tempted to read the occasional flashing message on your
partner’s phone, but hacking into their account or listening in on all their calls is in no way
normal.

Character chameleon

Individuals who’ve been in relationships with a psychopath often report feeling, at the very start, that the latter was their soulmate. Experts say this is because a psychopath is a “social chameleon”, able to mould his/her personality to what he/she feels other people would admire. They’ll be diligent about loving football, graphic novels, classical music, sushi —whatever it is they feel you’re passionate about. Of course, keeping up the pretense is impossible beyond a certain time, and you’ll find that their mask does slip. Individuals in such relationships also report feeling like they’re dating a “Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde kind of persona” especially if the psychopath is trying to adapt himself/herself to suit too many other people in your social circle.

Hero and victim

We’ve all told stories in which we come off in a far better light than we did in the actual situation. Similarly, we’ve also pretended to be blameless in certain situations, shifting responsibility onto someone/something else. Psychopaths, however, do this at an extreme level. All of their stories either portray them as being wonderfully heroic or more commonly, as a poor victim who must be pitied and nurtured. Very often, they weave false tales of injustices done to them to elicit sympathy and love from their partner. Of course, when they move on to their next target — you might just feature prominently in their stories with you being the unfeeling, cruel villain.

True lies

While experts may not have a consensus on every sign that indicates a person is a psychopath, they do agree that pathological lying is definitely one of the traits such individuals exhibit. What that means, is that there is no “limit” really to what they will fib about: It could be something important, like what they did with the money that was meant to go in your joint bank account, or it could be about some insignificant detail. Experts also point out that a psychopath isn’t just going to be lying to you — he/she will also lie about you, to friends, family, colleagues. Again, this may be to portray themselves as the “better” one or just to serve whatever purpose they currently have in mind.

Intense passion, intense criticism

Psychopaths have the ability to make you feel intensely adored in the initial days of your relationship. They will do whatever it takes to “get you”. But once you are just where they want you, a period of intense devaluing begins. Every action of yours will be met with harsh criticism. The objective is to lower your self-esteem, while at the same time, make you yearn for the earlier, flattery. Experts say a psychopathic partner may also use sex as a weapon, initially overwhelming you with passion, and later, denying it completely, so that you feel rejected.