The law needs to change, says Harish Iyer’s mother

 

Pushpesh Kumar, associate professor in the Department of Sociology at University of Hyderabad feels that the idea of a mother coming out in support of her son is quite revolutionary because family support gives a person the strength to stand against the existing stigma and homophobia in the country. One must, however, probe which “class” of gay men actually has this privilege.

 

“Are the elite gay men who enjoy certain private spaces ever think of their lower caste ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’? Do lesbian women enjoy the same space in a patriarchal society? “We are living in globalised times where Internet has become important to reshape sexuality and connect to the global gay community. Affluent gay men might be members of this community. But the picture is not so encouraging when other gay men are still committing suicide. They are a divided community in terms of class, caste and marital status and we do not have a homogeneous picture to propose any general account of the community,” he says. 

 

Jayati Mathur, co-founder of the LGBT group, Wajood, says that from interactions within the community, she has mostly found mothers to be more supportive of their children in such cases. She adds, “For mothers, their priority has always been the happiness of their children; whereas for the fathers, the family’s pride and honour comes first. As we live in a patriarchal society, it would have been a game-changer if a father or any male member of the family gave that ad.”  

 

Poet Hoshang Merchant, who is openly gay, says that publishing a matrimonial ad in India is like putting a cart before the horse. He says, “This is simply a mother’s way of saying to the world that ‘my son is gay and I accept him.’ But till the law changes, homosexuals will continue to be forced to get married to people of a different sex. The discrimination will continue, because unless homosexuality is legalised, we won’t be compelled to look at homosexuals as just human beings.”