Every chauffeur’s dream

This week, we discuss the 7-Series, which — in my opinion — is the only car in the world to possess supernatural powers.

First, it has the ability to make an impression and be utterly discreet at the same time. You’ll recognise it with ease, but it sort of slips out of sight just as you start to pay attention.

The styling is so basic that visual appeal, in its entirety, is the responsibility of the basic shape. BMW knew that they needed to be conservative with the 7, and they’ve done just that. The result is a master-class in limo design.

The interior is generous in terms of space and comfort. As you’d expect, there’s electric everything, but only for the back seats. There are two separate screens, reclining seats with air conditioning and massage functions. It’s fair to assume then, that this Signature, the 730Ld, has been turned into a pure-play chauffeur-driven limo.

The makers of The Ultimate Driving are stating verbatim that this car is completely inclined toward its rear passengers. That it has no air-con or massage functions in the front seats, or even paddle shifters or head-up display for the driver communicates this unequivocally. I don’t understand it.

How much do you need to love your chauffeur to buy a 7 series for him to drive around in? I mean, if all you intend to do is sit in the back, the S Class is much more spacious and sensible. And this little thought brings me on to another one of its supernatural traits. After 10 minutes of driving, the whole car shrinks around you.

That’s a tall order when the car is just over 5.2 metres long. I found this out as I drove through typical bazaar streets in Jaipur with street vendors, cycle-rickshaws, cattle and everything else you’d expect. Was I flustered? Yes. But at no point did I think that it was unmanageable.

Here’s another bit of sorcery and witchcraft for people who think that BMW have gone soft with this back-seat-only limo — it covers ground like nothing I’ve ever driven before.

You’ve probably worked out that, at Honk, we love cars that cover ground quickly, in great comfort and, if possible, economically as well. The BMW does all this better than any car we’ve ever driven.

A tank of fuel will get you from Delhi to Jaipur and back with over a quarter of it left. We did over 600 km (most of it in Sport mode). The engine puts out 248bhp and 560Nm of torque and that’s plenty considering that none of it is wasted thanks to the superb ZF 8-speed automatic gearbox.

Let’s say that you left Jaipur at 5 pm and you have a dinner date in Delhi at 8 pm (I did). It’s only 275-odd-kilometres so the distance is manageable. But the traffic on this road is insane.

Of course, the 7 has the pace to deal with this, but what you need here are proper brakes. Be prepared to find out exactly how Electronic Brake Force Distribution (EBD) works. All in all, it’s a formidable piece of kit.