‘Live-in’ the moment

As the door opens, you see a surprised young man, taken aback by the unexpected visit of his parents on his birthday. While the parents enter the house with the mother demanding that she wants a bahu this year, they are interrupted by the sight of a girl in the house brushing her teeth. And the son tells his parents that she is his live-in girl friend! Thus goes the new ad of a popular brand of tea that gives a fresh take on live-in relationships and its acceptance by parents in India.  

When the ad went viral on YouTube creating discussions among Malayalis, the Supreme Court for the first time, last week, removed the stigma from ‘live-in’ relationships, saying it has now become an accepted norm in society.

The observation came as a major psychological boost to couples in live-in relationships and the ‘rebel’ and ‘courageous’ men and women of Kerala say that it is a boost to their individuality and freedom.

“In our society, marriage is not between two individuals but between two families. The space, privacy and the freedom that the couple really need is not given by a marriage. All the married partners are expected to meet the financial, emotional and sociological demands of society and live according to the norms. What attracted me to live-in relationship is that it is all about two individuals, their likings, love, care, compassion and disagreements. Here, we have our freedom to take decisions, live our life and also have all what a marriage offers us without the hassles of tradition, culture and customs,” says author-cum researcher Latheesh Mohan.

His partner, writer Gargi Harithakam, says that there is a misconception that people opt for living-together just to run away from the responsibilities of marriage. “But it is not true. I feel, people who prefer live-in relationships are actually taking a huge risk as it is a bond that solely depends upon the understanding, love and trust of two people. They neither have the support of society nor of their parents. Hence, they need to be completely responsible about the relationship. But in a marriage, you have the support of parents, friends and society,” she explains.

According to her, before marriage, a couple should definitely live together and see if they are compatible. “It was after three years of living together, my partner and I married, that too to complete some Visa formalities. Even now, we are not following the system. It is quite tough to live in Kerala for those who opt living together, and the difficulties begin from finding a house to answering questions of neighbours,” she says.

According to Dr Sudeep K.S., Assistant Professor, NIT Kozhikode, who got married after having a live-in relationship says that there is not much difference between married couples and those who live together. “When you are in a relationship, it all comes with responsibilities and the success is in how one deals with them. In live-in relationship, we are free from societal pressure and free to choose our partner.  It is not because I found marriage better that I entered into it, but because my new partner wanted it,” he explains.  

However, the author of Smashanangalude Notupusthakam — a book on relationships, Kamal C. says that the major highlight of live-in relationship is that there are no legal barriers if the couple needs to break up. “I have co-habited with three people so far and I feel an amazing positive energy when things between my partner and I turn out to be good. Live-in relationship gives us the freedom to explore the many possibilities of a relationship. It does not chain us down. But, one should be very careful while deciding on a partner as there are many who take advantage as they think it comes with no strings attached!”

His partner, Padmapriya says that she found the individual in her when she started cohabiting with Kamal. “The love, care, security and consideration I get now as an individual is far more than what I used to get when I was married,” she says.