Stay apart to stay together?

Hollywood stars Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have reportedly come up with an unusual solution to keep their relationship going strong. According to an entertainment website, the duo make sure they never spend too much time together — a stipulation includes that that they “spend no more than four hours together on any given day”. The report went on to state that even when they are together, there are times when they prefer sleeping separately in order to accommodate vastly different bedtime rituals. We asked theatre director and actress Divya Palat and author Lalita Iyer to tell us what they think about the idea of separating to remain together.

The idea of staying apart is absurd: Divya Palat
Marriage is about taking the relationship ahead after falling in love. How does one forever stay in that stage? A relationship is about growing together — why get married if you do not want to stay together? I have known Aditya (Hitkari) for 10 years before I got married to him and yet my first year it was me throwing things at him. If you have decided to stick together, you might as well go all out. The idea of staying apart is absurd if you’re married. It maybe hell for the first year of marriage, because you are just learning to care for another person but you might as well get through it together. Aditya and I have different interests, and we do a lot of things by ourselves, and yet we don’t claw into each other’s spaces. Marriage is a lot about sharing each other’s lives and that’s how it should be.

Couples who spend time away from each other get along better: Lalita Iyer
I think less is more in today’s marriages, given our times and the extent of social media excesses and how everything is in “real time”. There is often too little oxygen in a marriage; and too much of being in each other’s space. So being apart is a good thing; it allows you to do the old-fashioned things like text, call, make conversation. I feel that the couples who spend time away from each other get along better, plus there is the thing of always having that intrigue factor than taking each other for granted. Imagine meeting your husband for a date! You can make courtship last longer this way and I would totally advocate it.

We need good moments to make a marriage: Chetna Mehrotra, life coach
Stipulations are usually a part of marriage and most people find it necessary so that both partners can be at ease in their own spaces while figuring out the details of the relationship. It is often said that a relationship needs “togetherness in spaces”. There will be days when you would spend good amount of time with the other half; and there could be days when you would hardly get an hour to be at ease, and that’s how a real relationship works.

Newlyweds should spend some quality time with each other and try to create a bond as wife and husband where they could be secured about each other. I strongly believe as humans we need good moments and not hours to make a marriage or a relationship stronger and lasting. The number of hours won’t help if you aren’t willing to understand each other or listen to each other. It’s the words, which make a lot of difference, not hours.

There’s no one size that fits all in relationships: Malti Bhojwani, life coach
Keeping the love alive requires that we hold on to some of the novelty factor that was there during the early days of the relationship.  Couples lose the excitement when they fall into very predictable routines, taking away the basic human need for adventure. Individuals also lose themselves when they spend all their time together in shared activities.

Enjoying the company of different sets of friends or indulging in different activities help couples maintain  curiosity about each other. It also shows immense trust. There’s no one size that fits all in relationships — so do what works for you as long as your days together are joyful and you continue to share a good thing with your partner.  Spending time apart is great as long as you are not unfaithful to the other half.

Download the all new Deccan Chronicle app for Android and iOS to stay up-to-date with latest headlines and news stories in politics, entertainment, sports, technology, business and much more from India and around the world.