Troubled minds: Single mothers deal with many challenges

Hyderabad: The suicide of 36-year-old news presenter Radhika Reddy has triggered a barrage of speculation on what could have caused her to do so. Divorced and with a mentally challenged child to look after, and a job to be pursued, the pressures could have got to be just too much. Police surmise that she suffered from mental depression. The only clue she left behind was the cryptic line:  ‘My brain is my enemy.’  Deccan Chronicle spoke to one of Ms Reddy’s acquaintances who said, “It is shocking. She must have been mentally disturbed for various personal reasons and could have been burying her worries instead of sharing them. To take such a drastic step leaving a helpless child was certainly not the right move.”

Radhika, a news presenter for a Telugu TV channel committed suicide on Sunday night by jumping from the 5th floor of her house in Moosapet.  The suicide ‘note’ — just a brief line actually — recovered from her bag suggests to the police that depression was the cause of her death.  Consultant psychologist Pragya Rashmi says the last words — ‘My brain is my enemy’ — indicates that “she went through exhaustive thinking and felt mentally weak.  Her emotions had more to do with anxiety because the level of anticipation ‘what to do and how to do’ and over thinking, must have exhausted her and that’s when depression sets in. Anxiety and depression coexist. Divorce itself is emotionally challenging and it doubles when a special child is involved. Constant worry that who is going to take care, how would I balance earning money and taking care of the child, what would happen to my child when I die and their future, including medical funds, will haunt one’s brain.”

While we live in a country where a woman is thrown out of marriage if she gives birth to a female, the misery is much more if she gives birth to special kids, at least in some cases.  Advocate Vani Suri adds, “When a woman suffers a divorce, there is discord in families. Mothers prefer to get custody of their children. In these cases, the patience, shakti (strength) and determination are 100X when it comes to protection of children.  Mothers have to literally fight with time, money, society and self, to take care of their special kid. But in the bargain, she is subjected to verbal and mental abuse. At times there is workplace harassment if she is a professional. Radhika must have felt depressed owing to the challenges in her life. The biggest problem is that women are already rejected during the divorce but her agony does not end even at her parents’ home.”

When the stress gets unbearable

A 42-year-old professional Ms. Sapna (name changed) is a single mother of a 11-year-old son diagnosed with autism. The women is a divorcee and insisted for the custody of her son. The divorce was peaceful and the husband agreed for special allowance keeping in mind the child’s condition. But her challenge was when her sister-in-law (brother’s wife ) demanded her exit from the parental house (post-divorce) or else she threatened to break her marriage. Sapna, with her special kid, had to live separately as her brother was the breadwinner for her parents. Sapna’s mother shuttles between the homes of her son and daughter to take care of her grandchildren.

These challenges faced by divorced   women with special kids hit the self-confidence, the hope of remarriage, virtue of life. But few brave ones bring out the best in them by providing the very definition of being ‘independent’ and successful.

Finances stretched

In a divorce that involves a child with special needs, in majority of the cases, the financial support (maintenance) does not address the extra expenses of the child as there is an increased need for special medical care, services, equipment for non-prescribed treatments, vitamins and nutritional needs.

Legal experts suggest that while structuring a divorce agreement, special care must be given to parenting arrangements, estate planning and the child’s transition to adulthood . In case of a child with health challenges, an extra requirement (on funds) must be included.

Taking care of a child with special needs is actually a full-time job and extremely different for the custodial parent to concentrate on the career unless they have family support. Since caring for a Special child extends beyond the age of majority, one needs to ensure that divorce agreement includes financial support for the long-term.