In a manner of speaking

I want to start this article by asking you a question — are good manners passé and uncool?  Watching your P’s and Q’s can actually make you a superior person. Personally, I’ve always found that people with high self-esteem are more assured in their courteous behaviour and those with low self-esteem tend to be brash and impolite. To denigrate and show down a friend, to be discourteous or believe that you appear ‘cooler’ by ignoring calls and not acknowledging messages is a statement of weakness.

Do you remember the scene from The Intern where the unflappable Robert De Niro advises his junior to wear a tucked in shirt as opposed to a hoodie on a date? Unkempt hair, dishevelled countenance, open overused shoes and a general appearance of nonchalance about how you look is, however, the new age ‘cool’ thing to do. Come dressed in well-ironed clothes that give you a professional, neat look and you’re generally considered an uptight ‘nerd’. Being well-attired is, however, a virtue.

An interesting piece of information that I received on vacation at my favourite holiday destination, Switzerland, is that in a child’s formative years there is greater stress upon good conduct than being pumped with information in their country.

Children who go to school are taught good manners and etiquette before they are filled with facts about geography, history et al. Schools and teachers give as much priority to good behaviour as they do to information and knowledge. Parents of Swiss kids are asked to support schools in the instilling of values of good social behaviour too. The same atmosphere is maintained at home where restraint and good conduct is encouraged.

Whatever has happened to phrases such as “excuse me” in our generation? I find ladies with big handbags in the supermarket bumping me all the time, without a shadow of remorse. And yes, only in India do I see people blustering in front of a group posing for a picture. Everywhere else in the world (and I’ve travelled extensively) I’ve seen people waiting politely when they see a photograph being taken.

There is an informality that has crept into our society, and I’m not objecting to it — it might even be more relaxing in a high-pressure performance-oriented existence — but what is bad form is impoliteness and brashness. It is easy to recognise that if you make demands rather than requests, you will find that you are not much loved.

It doesn’t hurt to say “thank you”, something that will actually bring people closer to you. And if you use the ‘F’ word a little less frequently, dress in well-ironed and washed clothes, and comb your hair a bit more you might find yourself a good job and a good partner. The better your manners, the more respect you command and the more positive energy you attract.  

The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com