Man of the manor

A friend of mine recently read an article about women liking men who lend a hand around home. She dismissed it sweepingly as women wanting a mundu (man-Friday) around the house. Contrary to her opinion, I’ve met some women who actually admire a man who can double up as the lord and master of the manor.

As an instance of the latter, my friend Dino is a successful macho man who has turned making breakfast in bed for his wife into a gourmet art. It’s his stress-buster, getting the happy hormones going for both of them and creating a space of bonding within an otherwise chaotic work schedule.

The image of a young man pottering around home, putting on the washing machine, bathing the kids or even ironing the odd skirt as the wife whirls around getting his shirt, tie and shoes ready while juggling with the vacuum cleaner in her other hand, is what I envision as the embodiment of domestic bliss. It is the outcome of the love story of a nuclear home that lacks other support systems like parents, in-laws or house help.

It is no longer ‘cool’ to sit on a Lazyboy and order around the wife. These are times of broad-thinking gender equality. Besides, more households are now about small families that need a mutual helping hand to keep things running. But most of all, it boils down to empathy and the drive to enrich your relationship  with support and love. Where there is togetherness, any toil can be lightened.

Another important and fairly recent phenomenon that is helping such homes run smoothly is the educated mother-in-law. She has experienced being a daughter-in-law who resented being told how to do things at home and be a domestic ideal. Education and exposure to changing times has liberated the modern mother-in-law from the TV soap saas mould.

The new mother-in-law is quite at peace with her daughter-in-law having a life of her own. She is also instrumental in having brought up her son to have the right attitude towards women. She has enabled him to have greater flexibility about his role as a man.

Relationships around such a home are more relaxed, cordial and nurturing, and the lady of the house has no reason to feel like the hired help. They say if you witness an injustice and turn your eyes away, you too are guilty of the injustice. When a son is indifferent to his wife’s travails, an enlightened mother can gently bring him to a better perspective.

Of course, even in modern times there are mothers-in-law who dole out a fair bit of oppression. May their sons stop being ostrich-like and take a stand for their partners.

The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com