What makes a cheater stray?
Relationship experts explain why men cheat on their partners.
If a latest study is to be believed, it is much difficult for a man to fulfil the promise of being faithful. A study conducted by Susann Huschke from the University of Witwatersrand in South Africa and Dirk Schubotz of Queen’s University, Belfast, states that “men in a relationship, including marriage, pay for sex.” The study, which interviewed 446 men, aged 31 and 50, reasoned that sex with a sex worker is a much honest option than an affair or one-night stands. Despite the most obvious reasons like “cheap thrills”, there could be a number of reasons for this course of action. Life coaches we spoke to tell us that cheating always indicates a greater problem in a relationship.
Life coach Khyati Birla observes that cheating is often seen as an easier solution instead of making the marriage work. She says, “Some men are attracted towards one night stands to avoid the hassle of working on marriage, that may or may not be rewarding, even in the long term. Transient affairs offer them the companionship and warmth without the pressures of being in a committed relationship.”
Sex isn’t always the number one reason why men decide to stray in a relationship — a lack of self-worth is another factor. Life coach Chetna Mehrotra says, “In some cases, cheaters often suffer from low self-esteem. Hence seeking sex with sex workers becomes the easiest way out as you do not get challenged or judged.
“People in marriages don’t always cheat because they want to cheat, but because they sometimes get in situations which compel them to take that path. It could be an abusive marriage, or a loveless life. People will go where they find acceptance,” adds Chetna. Manoj Lekhi advises that communicating about your needs and wants can go a long way in salvaging a relationship.
What women can do if they find themselves cheated on?
An incident of cheating often indicates an underlying problem in the marriage/relationship. It is important to address the problem, and solving it together, instead of calling it quits. Marriage counselling too might help. Of course, if your partner continues to cheat or shows no remorse about cheating, it is best to call it quits.
—Inputs by relationship expert Seema Hingorany