An overkill of passion

We were having a leisurely lunch at my club, when a goodlooking smart gentleman sauntered across to greet my friend with all the warmth of a close friend, and he joined us over the coffees.

Something about a writer perks up my interest and he was a published author so the common interest led us into a conversation that for a first meeting veered surprisingly to a personal issue he brought up to me for guidance as it was a relationship issue

He was concerned he said, about the fact that ladies in whom he evinced interest invariably lost interest early along the way!! His conjecture was that maybe he was too emotional and caring and frightened women off with his intensity? I was intrigued could a person be “over caring”? And would that be a problem? Or could it? Is ‘intense’ a put off? Do women like it with fun, irreverence and even maybe a daredevil rakish attitude? Romance that is? Women who come on too strong are a put off to men I know, but do women also dislike a man who is too intense and caring? Maybe women too need challenge. We definitely know that men like a ‘good hunt’ but women too don’t like mush. Perhaps laying all your emotions on the table with over-earnest sentiment takes away the element of suspense that lends excitement to an interaction. Maybe a lady wants a bit of challenge, a feeling of involvement in building up the action! She may prefer an interaction that is stimulating and interesting. Humour, even a bit of reckless ir
reverence has an allure where sentimental overload fails to win the day.

Practical good-sense aside, we all know that a “devil-may-care-ness” has its own attraction? Rakes and so-called “flirts always” evoke a flutter among women. The “mating-game” so called, does have certain dos that can enhance the interaction. There are indeed books on the subject, but going back to displaying sentiment and intensity, I think, just as a woman coming on too strong can drive away a man, too much intensity maybe a devaluing factor that might puzzle the man putting in so much earnestness in a relationship he was working so intensely to achieve!

Restraint, however much you want to go overboard, is the way to go! Even a bit of a bit of nonchalance that lends a little uncertainty can perk up the game. It creates intrigue. The bonus of this is that you are likely to be more on her mind and in her thoughts. That, my male friend, is half the battle won. Do whatever you can to install yourself in her thoughts. Restrain your availability, restrain even your praise, let her make a little effort to win your compliments, to dress to be attractive to you, to wonder what you think of her. If you are much in her mind and thoughts the next step is you will get under her skin and the beautiful romance where you “cannot live without each other” is around the corner.

A plethora of praise can pall, you may be surprised to learn. Try conversation — on general subjects that create an interesting to-and-fro of views. Try to get to know what makes your partner ‘tick’, or the person you wish to have as your partner in this case. Converse your way to know more about her, and where appropriate, dwell on a similarity of views, interests, commonalities. Use conversation as a gambit to friendly bonding. At first it should be more about making a friend. Friendship does not involve too much sentiment, at least to begin with. Of course all that I have shared might be an oversimplification. Many times an intense sentimentality can get you your girl.

The path of love is definitely unpredictable and its twists and turns can vary with each partnership. We are speaking of human beings and human feelings and each individual case is well “individual”. But this is what comes to mind, when looking at the case of this nice gentleman — attractive looking and intelligent, who earnestly wants to know why with all his sincerely and loving praise and laying down his sentiments ladies trampled over them all and turned their interest away, perhaps to that reckless rake with a roving eye? All I intend is that certain pointers may make for a greater interest in a romantic engagement, till such time as the relationship grows to a phase where she can value his sterling qualities as worth investing in long-term when it is beyond a game!

— The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com