The parent stamp

Very soon after her break up with Canadian pop star The Weeknd, Selena Gomez got back with her ex-beau Justin Bieber. And this has left her fans and her family upset. 

There are several reports doing the rounds that the singer-actress’ family isn’t quite happy with her decision to get back with the Baby singer. The Weeknd (aka Abel Tesfaye) and Selena had been together since April, and when they broke up, she was spotted with Justin. And now, her family is upset. 

Your family getting annoyed about your choice in partner isn’t new. Even if you personally haven’t, everyone knows someone who has gone through the ordeal of convincing their parents about their partner. And it isn’t always easy.

One reason why parents rarely approve of your choices is because they know better than you, says Kashish Chabbria, life coach. “However, only because they say no the first time around doesn’t mean you have to give up and throw a fit,” she continues. 

Lifecoach Sara Khan who was in the midst of a similar dilemma a few years ago with her marriage, believes that patience is key. “The worst thing is to fight and throw a fit,” she warns. “Patience is the key, and the only way to convince your parents is to have proper conversations with them.” 

Sara also says that parents can tell a lot about your prospective partner by looking at you. “If you are in a fulfilling relationship, it will show in your behaviour. It is a known fact that a happy relationship produces happier individuals. And parents can easily tell if your relationship is supportive or not,” she explains, adding that once they get a fair understanding of that, there is very little issue from there onwards. 

However, not many people have their ride this easy. Many parents tend to be stubborn and refuse to budge, or even attempt to listen. “If you have faith in your relationship, then you needn’t worry about anything else — have no qualms about it,” assures Kashish. 

Even then, if things aren’t going according to plan, don’t give up yet. Sara suggests talking to either of your parents, whoever you are closer to, and try to convince them first. “I sat down with my mother, and told her everything! And I suggest talking to mothers only — they are more emotionally rooted and often are less difficult than the father. When I finally managed to convince her, it all worked out,” she recalls. 

Sara also adds that it is important for your parents to reflect your potential partner. “Your partner also has to work towards earning their respect,” she says, adding that it is a two-way communication.“You’d assume that you parents just have to ‘like’ your partner. But what they really need to do is respect them because only then will they think this man or woman is worthy of their child. This is the case everywhere, with every set of parent,”