A falling' in love

How often have you read news reports like these making headlines — “Techie kills wife,” “Jilted man kills wife,” all making one cringe inside? Only last week, news of the police investigating the murder of a 34-year-old advocate, Amith Keshavamurthy shocked the city.

The police have now taken his lover Shruthi Gowda’s husband Rajesh G into custody. In the recent past, there have been reports of couples getting violent with some cases reported of them even going to the extent of killing, after falling out of love or cheating on the other. Why not end a marriage with dignity instead of giving it such a traumatic turn?

We’re living in modern times when break-ups can be solved with dignity, but instead most of them are ending in messy situations, some even ending in violence and fatalities. We explore how relationships end up being so anguished.

We find out from city couples and experts on how they can resolve conflicts before they  get into such extreme situations of ending someone’s life.
Tasneem Nakhoda, a city-based psychologist says, “There are many factors which make a person who they are today. An accumulation of negative factors through several years and absence of positive factors can affect an individual substantially in either direction. Added to this, with changed lifestyles and work scenarios, one can experience extremely high levels of stress, which spill over into people’s personal lives most of the time. Emotions are at a high at this point – anger, frustration and low tolerance are just a few.  There is a lot of learning which happens in a marriage. Learning how to live with each other, that includes not only the spouse’s happiness, but one’s own too.  It is essential for any individual to not brush aside issues which could be bothering in the beginning. Seek help when the time is better instead of waiting for it to reach a stage of intolerance. There is so much more effort to put in then. In case of a separation, which is already not easy on the couple, one should try to resolve it with a calm temperament. One may realise after marriage that there are way too many differences between the couple and that it is better to part ways peacefully, than fight a needless battle. One can again seek professional help to resolve it calmly if unable to do it on their own.”

Falling out of love with your husband, wife or partner can be an extremely traumatic experience. City-based entrepreneur, Manoj states, “The couple can iron out differences when both sit down and lay out concerns and how it impacts each other and in turn their relationship. I’ve been married for a few years and would advise young couples to basically talk and be open, set certain ground rules applicable to both and also spend a few minutes to think through how both could move on without making it messy! The society is open and acceptable to decisions one makes. Of course, effort is required to be made from both the partners. They have to set a time for that and if things don’t happen then part ways with maturity and dignity than with an intention to harm or hurt each other.”

Shocked at the way some couples seem to resolve issues, Pavithra Natarajan, a social media expert adds, “People of today, I’m taking about my peers, end relationships in the most civil way. They talk and come to an understanding and go their separate ways if they have to. I know exes, with kids, who realised that they had fallen out of love but till date they remain good friends. In fact, some of them are even good friends with their exes and catch up every now and then. I’m also in in good terms with most of my exes. We still talk from time to time. There maybe some couples who have a very bad fall out and stoop to such resorts by plotting murder, but I really hope that it’s just a fraction of the population.”