Missing' girl finally speaks out

It was all social media could talk  about the last few days — such was the furore generated over the disappearance of Chennai-based Gaanam Nair aka ‘Jikki Padhoo’ (her online networks and stage name). Missing since the 26th of May last week, the 28-year-old returned home after four days just as suddenly as she went missing — safe and sound — amidst a viral campaign initiated by friends and family to find her, even as the city police investigated the case.

As the safety of urban women in the city has become such a sensitive topic in the recent past, it was but natural that Gaanam’s incident would be widely discussed. But the fact that even actors and film celebrities tweeted about it, added extra sensationalism to the issue.

With the national media also picking up the seemingly low-profile case, Gaanam has now unwittingly been brandished as the poster girl for sparking off a number of online debates — from modern-day myths surrounding  depression in youngsters to families forcing girls to succumb to marital pressure without consent, as many reports go.

Her personal life, photos and posts have also become the subject of intense scrutiny with several netizens trolling Gaanam’s motive to go missing as ‘a means to seek publicity’. Whatsapp groups are swamped with memes on her tale, while Facebook status updates are teeming with vitriol. But what is the real story behind her disappearance? We ask Gaanam herself...

Could you tell us who Gaanam Nair/ Jikki Padhoo is, in the first place?
Yes! There were so many articles claiming I was an actress/ scriptwriter, etc., but I’m none of those. I work as a marketing manager at a salon in Chennai, and I dabble with fashion and photography occasionally. I live with my aunt’s family here — my father works in Delhi, while my brother is a scientist in the US. Contrary to all the reports, I’m a very private person with a closed friends’ circle; I don’t party much or socialise often. I even have a curfew at home, and I stick to it.

What made you disappear without telling anyone?
Let me put it this way: we all have our weak moments in life, and I slipped hard this time around — really hard. I’m not going to lie — I also have some medical issues that I’m going through and which affects me emotionally. When all the relationships in my life are going well, I’m able to keep it under control. But when the glue that was keeping it together fell apart, I cracked. Hey, it can happen to the best of people.

I have a very close connection to my mom, who took her own life, when I was quite young. I slowly started losing sleep, and began visiting the places where she lived, and reminiscing about her a lot. I began feeling suicidal too.

But I want to be clear on this: my dad raised me up right, making me promise that however hard things got, I would not think about killing myself — and I kept my word. That’s when I knew I needed to take a break from everything. Also, I’m almost like a parent to the kids in my family, and I couldn’t imagine leaving them behind.

Didn’t you think about the repercussions, considering issues like the Swathi murder happened recently, and people were prone to kneejerk this way?
Honestly, there was no way my family would have understood if I’d told them I just wanted some time off to myself. But I also believed that I’d only come home to an angry aunt, who I had to console. I had no clue at all that the police would get involved, my friends would get wind of it and that all hell would break loose!
When I reached home, my father and brother were there, along with media and the cops. I only learnt then that CCTV cameras had spotted me and the police had followed me home! But I was still shocked that everyone panicked so much, and I asked my father this — ‘Who could do anything to me?’ I’ve always been a fiercely independent girl who could take care of herself.

So, where did you really go?
Last Friday, I switched off my phone and checked in to a place called Cricketer’s Hut in the city, where I knew I would be safe. I didn’t tell anyone; in fact, I don’t have any close enough friends to inform. I spent three nights there by myself alone, reading, thinking and seeing myself fight out this phase. I needed to get things under control by myself, and I’m proud I did.

Why do you think your case got so much attention? Is it Because of your social network profiles?
Two reasons, maybe. Firstly, the people who shared my ‘Missing’ poster have strong connections and networks; so, the post was shared a lot. My brother in the US too reached out to a lot of people, and that triggered a lot of traction.
Secondly, I think random people who Googled my name and checked my FB or Instagram judged the pictures, posts, or so-called controversial content. But you know, it didn’t take this incident for me to face opposition for who I am. I’m someone who has always batted for women empowerment, and I’m not going to change anything about myself.

What’s your takeaway from all of this?
I know a lot of people are saying I did this for publicity, but I don’t care about all that. I wish they stop dissecting this now, and give me attention when I do something creative and relevant tomorrow. Everyone else involved has been extremely understanding, especially the police, who could have taken this story in a dark, twisted manner — but they chose to protect my dignity. As for the ‘reason’ behind this, let’s say that the issue is still unresolved and things stay the same. I’ve moved on from them now, and I hope everyone else can do the same too!