Love lives on

For Shilna Sudhakaran, the meaning of love extends beyond death. Or else, she would not have conceived and given birth to two children of her late husband Sudhakaran through In-vitro Fertilisation (IVF). Life has never been the same for Shilna after the tragic death of her husband in a road accident. But for her there was a ray of hope as his sperm was preserved in a hospital in Kozhikode as part of their IVF treatment procedure.

For Shilna, there was no question of doubt from the moment she heard the news of her husband’s death. “After few days of his death, she asked us to visit the hospital and enquire about the possibility of IVF. She was that determined to give birth to his children. We supported her idea and never dissuaded her,” says Shilna’s father Pavithran P.V. Shilna had never contemplated a life without Sudhakaran, who was an assistant professor in the Malayalam department of Government Brennen College in Kannur. Sudhakaran was also a writer, journalist and moreover, an amicable person, who had made friends wherever he went.

So his sudden departure on August 15, 2017, was a complete shock for Shilna. “I could not fathom it. Our relationship was so deep. We loved each other so much and were inseparable. After his death, this was the only hope I had in life. We wanted children badly and at least, I could fulfil his dream posthumously,” she said feebly. “I never felt he has left me. I still believe he is with me. So I wanted to make our dream come true. I know I am negating reality but for me this is reality. I live with him through my children,” she explains. For Shilna, it was not an easy ride to fulfil her dream. “It was a challenge for me. I think the challenge will continue as I have a major responsibility to bring up my kids. He had the desire to have girls and I have given birth to two lovely girls,” he says.

Shilna with her late husband.

Shilna had to cut off her social media networks and rarely used mobile phones for the past one year. “I wanted no one to advise me on the decision I made. I contacted only two or three close friends of mine who were supportive. My parents and in-laws were supportive too,” she said. “I was happiest when I saw my husband’s mother’s happiness when she received our girls. He was her only child and she has been a lonely figure since his death. After one year, I was able to see happiness on her face. That was the moment I cherished the most,” Shilna said.

Shilna and Sudhakar had two IVF attempts before his death but were not successful. “They were due for another attempt in September last year. We all respected her determination to have kids. Moreover, we all liked Sudhakaran very much. His death is not just a loss for us but for society. He was a person who lived in the world of words,” said Pavithran. Both Shilna and Sudhakaran have a literary background and it was literature that bonded them together. “Their wedding took place in the year 2006. Before that they knew each other and when my daughter told me about him, I enquired about him. Everyone had only good things to say about him. He was a hard working man with a different outlook towards life. When he married my daughter, he was a journalist. Later, he started teaching. His life was a struggle against odds,” he said.

“I think our daughter has done something no one will even think of doing. I have only respect for her decisions. We all want to look after the kids. I know the mental agony my daughter went through. We have supported her through this. We would like to thank the doctors who have been with us from day one. They said this was the first-of-its-kind case they were dealing with it. Let my daughter become an example of love and values,” he signs off.