Wife before Brother

It does not matter how much or how little wealth you have, once men marry there is always friction between brothers. The latest relationship casualty being that of Princes William and Harry. According to the latest headlines the main reason for the brothers drifting apart is that their wives have nothing in common! Harry is rumoured to be annoyed with his brother for not being more welcoming towards his new wife and this is said to be one of the main reasons he and Meghan Markle are moving out of Kensington Palace, where they are neighbours with William and Kate to Frogmore Cottage in Windsor.

There is a long list of brothers before Harry and William who have gone from being inseparable to barely acknowledging each other or maintaining a polite distance. 

Amitabh Bachchan and his brother Ajitabh

Amitabh Bachchan and his brother Ajitabh barely talk and their wives don’t really miss each other. Nita and Tina Ambani were never close, and now neither are Mukesh and Anil Ambani. 

Nita and Tina Ambani were never close, and now neither are Mukesh and Anil Ambani

Boney Kapoor worked incredibly hard to establish himself and promote his brother Anil Kapoor, but it’s rumoured that the brothers, while cordial with each other, stopped being close decades ago and many say their wives played a role in this as Sridevi and Sunita Kapoor were never tight.

Is it fair to then blame the wives when brothers drift apart? Clinical psychologist Priyanka MB says definitely not.

“There is a change in family dynamics taking place. Today when you think of a family unit you think in terms of a nuclear set up. Families are becoming so individualistic that they are not able to accommodate the needs and requirements of every member,” explains Priyanka.

Clinical psychologist Dr Pulkit Sharma adds, “While men are less finicky, women are particular about how they want to set up a home and run it.” Nobody likes to be told that they have to follow their sister-in-law or mother-in-law’s example of doing things. 

Also nobody likes competition. In Kate’s case it can be speculated that as the future Queen of England, she should be getting all the attention, but it’s Meghan with her showbiz glamour that is stealing the limelight. 

In the early days Tina Ambani got all the limelight because she was a movie star. Indira Gandhi made it clear that she adored Sonia not Menaka. Arpita Khan is the undisputed queen in the Khan household because Salman is single. 

Certain relationships, especially that of sisters-in-law are tricky to begin with. Girls get competitive when it comes to being given importance at home, the kind of roles they get in a family business, lifestyles, who has better friends, whose husband has more say.... A secret score is being kept and if one feels she is being marginalised in the family, she wants to break free and take her husband with her. 

Yes, like the rest of the animal kingdom we too believe in the herd mentality but within the herd there have always been separate units and that’s what a marriage is.

“Traditionally the male is seen as a protector and the female as a gatherer. 

Not any more. Women have careers, earn well and can even be bread winners. They now don’t see why they need to listen to others all the time as they are no longer dependent,” says Priyanka. This could be the reason why a girl doesn’t see the need to listen to someone else about how everything should be done. This change in rules and  responsibilities is leading to a shift in the family system.

For bonds to remain close, “Responsibilities and boundaries need to be set and maintained, while giving people their space for togetherness and a sense of belonging to remain,” feels Priyanka.

But what is it about a spouse that they become the closest person to you right from the beginning, closer than your parents and siblings? “A husband-wife relationship is the most intimate bond. Along with the physical and emotional connect you share, this is the only bond which sees you share the same space and bed for life,” says Dr Pulkit Sharma.